Ask The Pack

By Martina Hamburger



Is your untrainable human trying your patience?

Do you need to unleash your inner wolf?

Are you in need of canine rights advice?

Or do the demands of the modern world make you chew your paws in despair?

Our three new canine advice gurus will retrieve life lessons for you and point you in the right direction!


Bobby from Warwickshire Asks

Dear Chivers,

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The most dreadful thing happened to me today and I have discovered there are dog traps in Warwickshire.
This morning as we've been so good this week we went to a nice estate for a walk. I jumped out of the car and thought that I needed to check out the gate cottage, so I galloped up the drive and one minute my legs were there, the next they'd gone and I was left stranded on this grid thing above a pit.
Hard to believe, but someone had dug a pit and put round, yes round, metal pipes above the pit - only one thing it could be - a dog trap!
I'm just surprised it didn't have sharpened spikes in the pit. I tell you I was proper winded and all my Springer sister Gem could do was smirk while Mum seemed obsessed with checking my legs (just as well they can count to four).
I managed to jump out but it was touch and go as I had to balance on the pipe things.

Do I have any legal redress against the land owner?

You idiot, it isn’t legal redress against the land owner you need, but against your breeder. For breeding a brain-less Cocker.Every dog knows that to safely negotiate dog traps you should whine and pace backwards and forwards at the very edge of the trap, with the occasional purposeful "slip"..Your owner will come running, do make them work harder by not running to them immediately, the treats will come out and you can then approach. Sit nicely and you will be carried across the Dog Trap in style , munching your treat

Next time, try to looking where you’re going. Good luck, Chivers


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Martina Hamburger
Quirky information, opinions, tales and advice from the perspective of a pack of clever dogs.

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