Ask The Pack

By Martina Hamburger



Is your untrainable human trying your patience?
Do you need to unleash your inner wolf?
Are you in need of canine rights advice?
Or do the demands of the modern world make you chew your paws in despair?
Our three new canine advice gurus will retrieve life lessons for you and point you in the right direction!

Gem From Warwickshire Asks:

Dear Sage Setter,

My mate, a wise old Border Collie, tells me from Feb. 16th 2018 it is the Year of the Dog. This could be a good thing or a bad thing. My pack can’t agree, if it means we’ll all be eaten (this being a Chinese thing) or if we’ll all be worshipped. Can you enlighten us?

Springer Spaniel from Warwickshire

Dear Gem,

Thank you for your most interesting question. I have thoroughly researched the matter and am happy to reassure you that the Year of the Dog is indeed a good thing for canines.

According to Chinese legend, Humanity angered the God of Heaven, so that he came down to earth to repossess all the grain, which at the time was plentiful on earth.

However, a dog grasped his trouser leg (probably a Border Terrier!), piteously crying, and so moving the God of Heaven to leave a few seeds from each type of grain with the dog, thus providing the seed stock of today's crops.

Thus it is said that because humans owe their possession of grain seed stocks to a dog, people should share some of their food with dogs.
I believe this debt should be thoroughly exploited by all canines and that doggy bags should become compulsory. I am sure you agree.

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Sage Setter

Aramis from Suffolk Asks

Dear Otto,

My English Setter brother and I spend a lot of time and effort on our hobby of garden design.
Our Mum does not seem too impressed with our landscaping of the lawns and flower beds and is constantly filling in our carefully constructed contours. How can we get her to appreciate our hard work and artistry?

Otto replies:

Dear Aramis
Aramis, firstly I would like to congratulate you on having picked such a worthy hobby.

I strongly believe a dog’s life can’t be about his hunting work alone. While rest and relaxation are paramount, it is only healthy to keep active in between long snoozes.

Sadly humans have strange ideas about landscaping and do not seem to see the need for carefully constructed burrows.
Maybe a neat set of soil paw prints on the furniture would serve as a reminder of the love and effort you have put into your creation? Or a trail of aforementioned soil paw prints to draw their eye towards your newest landscaping feat?

Even if they never learn to appreciate your artistry, do not cease you digging, backfilling the holes at least will keep them walkie fit, which benefits all round.

Waving a cheery muddy paw at you, Otto


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Martina Hamburger
Quirky information, opinions, tales and advice from the perspective of a pack of clever dogs.

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